I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
