So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
