She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
