why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
