pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
