the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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