Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
