Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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