So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
