Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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