It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
