Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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