I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
