god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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