For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
