Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
