I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
