Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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