I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
