The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
