he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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