i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
