My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
