dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
