There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
