I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize