We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
