i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
