alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
