i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
