I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize