we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
