Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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