So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
