I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
