her vagine was all disorganized.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
