you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
