Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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