He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
