her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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