wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
