I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
