Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
