Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
