I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
