when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
