Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize