It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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