So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
