You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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