Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
