just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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