I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
