She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
