Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
