Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize