??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
