people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
