Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
