you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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