Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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