dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
