the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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