her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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