batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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